I'm turning 20, Alhamdulillah

Assalamualaikum readers,

I dont actually say followers because I know I dont have one

 or If I have there will be like 2 or 3 people

cause this time around I love it to be this way

so, Im going to talk about my previous 2012 year

how it has treated me 

upside down. thats all I say

but thanks god it happened for my own good

"sedangkan Allah itu lebih mengetahui dan kamu tidak"

2012 is the best year for me so far

I've learnt how to use my own physical and emotional power independently

I become wiser, stronger, flexible, more patience, and a positive thinker

God has set up everything for me really sharp without any mistake 

through thick and thin, 

high and low, 

fire and ice,

 hot and cold

Allah gives me strength

let me start with January 2012 :

still kind of lost about this life, not knowing much about being an adult

being a muslim

just follow the flow that dunya(world) has "colourised" the whole lives,

I could just do anything as long as I know it was right but actually it is not

Feb-April 2012

start knowing the word Tarbiyah,

 but not really sure and serious what it is at the early stage

try to figure it out by forcing myself to experience it

I did joined lots of programme just to make myself clear about what it is define by Islam

but in every roses there would be torn hidden in it,

in every mountains got slippery surface to make us falling down,

in every oceans have strong wave to make us dismay

positive deeds do not achieve its goal without being tested 

good thing do not turned out to be so easy
YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG
it may dismay you
it may break your heart into pieces
and everything
just be patiently waiting for the output and reasons
you could barely breath
you could ask for anyone help
you could punch and slam the door
you could shout as loud as you want
you could cry so that everyone will listen to you
you could perfectly curse and whine in any social network
you could do anything
but at the end you will realise that
You dont need to do that
because you have Allah that
YOU COULD SHARE EVERY HARDSHIP YOU'RE FACING
is'nt that crystal clear and prove enough that Allah is really sweet :)
He will listen to every prayer you've made and ask for
the problem arise when :
you have problem on studies
quarrel with friends
problem on constantly doing good deeds
your perception about other regarding to your changing
and everything, just so you know
this thing keep banging in my head
keep running in my medulla oblongata
keep flowing in my vein

May-July

As and IELTS examination has taken over these months
I don't know how to react with this months at first
hectic months
these month I have to work very smart and hard
and at the same time I need to balance up studies and Tarbiyah & Dakwah
this is the period where god test you on how you manage your time for Him and yourself
flexible enough ? real muslim enough ?
 or you just being a muslim at the time you're free to do so
okay, lets talk about the exam
nothing good or bad about it
just okay
first time in my life i don't expect and hope for good results
just do my best
give my full boost and in return I hope god grant me suits with my effort
like what I said, first time in my life upon examination
I don't hope anything good for it
It was really hard for me,
for me
I don't know how others would think about this
some will say it was freaking easy
depend on people
for me
It is hard, thats all.


August 2012

the most scary month
lots of butterflies smashing my stomatch trying to escape
life or dead momment
hahaha, not really
this is because
AS and IELTS results were out on this month
so,Alhamdulillah, fortunately
I passed the requirements
but not actually cause there's another exams wait for me
just feel relief and glad that it has end
not really happy nor secure
because like what i said
I got another exams to pass
If I flunk it,
no meaning to be happy at the first place
because overall,
 I don't make it which is I've failed
so, don't be too happy until you really pass it
or
don't be too sad if you did not make it in AS exam
because we are still left clueless about our future
 live your life to the fullest because you might regret of not doing so
even if you pass or fail
you will regret if you treat your life bad regarding to your emotional stuffs

Sept-Nov 2012

You don't have any idea how miserable my life would be these months

hahahaha
everything happened at the right time
yes, really
here come again
conflict , feeling, friends,family,tarbiyah & Usrah, stuffs and everything
combo
there you go Khairullah
how you would manage all of these while you're taking exams
because at the same time those conflicts invade you, you also being bounded by exams
mixed feeling, puzzled and such a troublesome
but I believe what Allah has potrayed on Al-Baqarah, verse 286 :

"Allah tidak akan memberati seseorang melainkan apa yang terdaya olehnya"

and also Al-Ankabut, verse 2 :

"Patutkah manusia menyangka bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan dengan hanya berkata "kami beriman,sedangkan mereka tidak diuji""

these months
lots of tears being shed
lots of sacrifices
a bundle of problems

your friends got hospitalised
due to severe disease
but thanks got actually it is not,
you have to shuttle from college to the Hospital while exam week
just for your friend due to his need and something need to be settled
how sweet is ukhwah has destined this :)

then, lets talk about how A2 exam has treated me,
harder than AS exam, of course
with the conflicts and problems
how it could be easier
but I know there's others who have been through harder than me
sorry, I'm not going to tell you my problem during this exam
because I don't think I have to do so,
just bear in your mind, I have problems, hahahaha
during this exam, Ive knew the most strongest person

Syazwan Hazim Abd Ghani
you could have my tears for this
you deserve to have it
I don't know how you fixed this, but what I know is
You're very strong in and out
proud of you that you've made it

Farhan Mokhtar
thanks for being very helpful during my hardship
you're the one that I believe can comfort me
you never fail me
with all you cuddly words
and motivation that hits me
never fail to make me energetic back
I will never forget this word
"you underestimate yourself, I know you can do this, that is your problem, underestimate yourself"

:') Ukhwah fillah, you traced my weakness

Mohd Faisal Mazellan
just so you know,
you're a good friend
through thick and thin
you always there
listen to my problem and try to solve it
hahaha, and you always influenced me with your
positive vibes
that is the good thing

Ashraf Omar

I really owe you a lot
in academically aspect
thanks god for sending me this person to help me through my studies
"thanks sbb ajar aku calculus, statistic, physics, chemistry, bio, hang mmg kawan yang memahami, hehehe"
even if I required to give your a tonne of gold to repay, It would not be deserved for you,

E Zaiddien Zainal

hohoho,
 my roomate
for one year
you're the one that I can really laugh with
because sometimes life need jokes
my singing , our song
hahaha
our pillow talk night and everything
you ask me once about my point of view about you,
now I would reveal it
you are sometimes feel insecure about yourself
just bear in your mind
despite of your weakness, you also have strength
you have to discover yourself,
no one can ever tell you
but I must say that you are a strong person
it just that you don't realized it

Muhammad Jauzi Abu Hamid

I always remember you as these words :

" a bestfriend will eat your food when you're already full"
sorry for this annoying remembrance
but this is how I can remember you, hoho
but not that only,
thanks for lending me your ears, eyes and hands
help me whatever you can help
like what Ive said, to hear is just heal everything
no need to comfort me, hahahahaha
and whenever I feel stress or down
I will find you and annoy you, sorry for victimized you
 but I find that you're the most suitable that can bear with my behaviour
>__<

Rozain Mat Salleh

I remember you with the word

"Patience"

after the pain we've been through god knows how it is worth for us
hohoho
you really help me during my Tarbiyah session
and you, yourself also
sometimes being sensitive is good, but at the right thing that we should be
not going to finger everything on you , because both are wrong
everything was paid off
glad to see that you are trying to improvised everything now
:)
lets strive for Jannah together

Ezral Jahamin

just a good person to know
always hide his problems from us
kalau boleh taknak menyusahkan org
just good

Shafiq Hamidon

hoho, just so you know
I adore you for your strength
 you can just act very normal and good and cool
I will always feel cheer and happy to see you
with your jokes and action
at Surau, volley ball court, and sometimes you go upstair in my house with Your Face
hahahaha, your typical face, made me laugh

and so do Safwan Mustaffa, both are good in making people laugh, thanks :)

and

Nasarullah Baharuddin

this guy ahhh,
"nasa jom masuk bilik kau, nak citer something kat kau"
after masuk bilik, locked the door
hahaha
selalunya, its all about love and feeling problem,
I will seek for him
good advices will be gained from him
thank you

okay guys, this name is not being plan to be arranged like this
If I could arrange all the name at the first place, I will but It can't
I just wrote it randomly
for those whose names is not being written here, I'm so sorry
not meant to forget you, I just wrote what have just crossed my mind,
so sorry, but we are still bestfriend, ukhwah fillah, till we meet in Jannah

so this is how 2012 has treated me
like people always said
life is like roller coster
bad and good
good and bad
which one come first ?
whatever it is
you have to face it
:)
Alhamdulillah Ya Allah
for making me even stronger
 that I don't think I can face this with the help of You, people around me and everyone

YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME !
SAYA SAYANG KAMU SEMUA KERANA ALLAH TA'ALA

Al-Hujuraat. 10

"sesungguhnya mukmin itu bersaudara"

Hadis Riwayat Al-Bukhari

"Tidak beriman seorang muslim itu sehingga dia mencintai saudaranya sepertimana dia mencintai buat dirinya"

so, I would like to finalize my entry with

Hadith riwayat Muslim :

Dari Abu Hurairah Radhiyallahu’anhu dari Nabi Shallallahu’alaihi wa sallam, beliau bersabda: ‘Barang siapa yang melepaskan satu kesusahan seorang mukmin, pasti Allah akan melepaskan darinya satu kesusahan pada hari kiamat. Barang siapa yang menjadikan mudah urusan orang lain, pasti Allah akan memudahkannya di dunia dan di akhirat. Barang siapa yang menutupi aib seorang muslim, pasti Allah akan menutupi aibnya di dunia dan di akhirat. Allah senantiasa menolong hamba Nya selama hamba Nya itu suka menolong saudaranya’. (HR. Muslim,)

Assalmualaikum

HIDUP. MATIKU .HANYA. UNTUKMU

Determination beats the low self esteem (Part I)

Assalamualaikum,

Alhamdulillah, all praises to Him

the one who determines and plans our daily lives

Allah, My love, My everything <3 <3

"Dear Student,

"Congratulations for successfully completing the written test and interview session on 13^th December 2012.

We are glad to inform that you have been selected for the MBBS Twinning Programme (March 2013 intake) and the Provisional/ Conditional offer letter will reach you after necessary formalities. Kindly note that this provisional/ conditional offer is subject to you meeting the minimum entry requirement for enrolment into our MBBS Twinning programme."

                                                                FYI, this is only a conditional offer which mean I have to pass the requirement needed . I need to get atleast BBB in my A-Level results and Biology and Chemistry cant be below B, if not i'll be rejected.

okay, maybe you guys got clueless and unclear  with statement above. so let me clarify something with my story :

actually, I'm bounded to Czech Republic/Poland/ New Zealand /Australia

means that I can only apply for these countries only

it was my childhood dream to further my studies in europes 

and until now. I still want it

so when first time I knew that I got an offer by MARA to further my study in Czech/Poland

I felt like "top in the world"

which means that 

I can play with snow (throw them to my friend or atleast stomp it )

experience 4 season condition

and everything that everyone wanted to do if they were there

but...

This perception has changed

during my time in KTT

(KTT is the place where I was doing my A-Level (Pre-U) before I can continue with degree in medicine0

Iv e been surrounded by JPA student where is most of them are India bounded

since then, theres one programme run in my college conducted by the seniors (3rd year student of MBBS in India)

this programme was like give you a wide exposure on studying in India

and guess what ?

I attended that programme even I was not bounded to india

that time, my intention was just to know how their 'pathetic" life would be there ?

since before this i had a bad paradigm about this "abundance and numerous" amount of cadaver country

that Programme was 

it "WOWWWWWW-ed" me

I never thought studying in India could be that interesting and good

the medic is good and same goes to dentistry

believe me, India is the best country for you to study medicine or dentistry. No doubt

even the doctors and specialists admit this

"I'd rather to choose Dr graduated from India rather than other countries to work with me"

its not that they are trying to say that dr graduated from other countries is not good

but they put more trust and look up for Dr graduated from India

so, since then. I have an enthusiasm to study in India

i find it interesting

but that time  I was still with my czech and poland interest

even I started to love India but I find czech and poland is more interesting because India got no 4 seasons like latter

So, I don't really take it serious. 

okay we move to Aussie and NZ part now,

actually, Im quite interested in Aussie at first

but I dont know why suddenly i started to hate it

Aussie application system is quite complicated and wasting money

tell you what :

you need to do that and this before you can apply for that

NOT EVEN AN INTERVIEW, BUT TO APPLY ONLY

first, you have to sit for an exam called ISAT

you required to pay RM 1000 something

not everyone afford this

if you pass this exam then only you can apply for any uni in aussie

APPLY, NOT EVEN TO BE INTERVIEWED

so, 

sorry Aussie

not interested with you

lets talk about New Zealand then,

this is the best part

yeah, i love NZ. enough to say this

i really want this place

Auckland University

quite devastated to know

 that I did not have a chance to apply for this uni

have you ever encounter this feeling ?

'when all of your close friends are busy to settle their application form,  interview session and everything, but you stood there watching them, sad , pathetic, try to hide your tears, and pretend like you strong enough"

yes, that time I was mentally down , emotionally broke and I keep thinking positive

I know Allah is testing me

I just hope that they can do well in their interview session

I'm happy for them but at the same time i was feeling sad for myself did'nt manage to apply

It was to act "okay" when youre not  in front of your friend

it is not because I feel envy of them, not even a second

but because I couldnt make it for myself

I can't join them 

that's what make me feel pressure in and out

FYI, the reason why i cant make myself for the application because I didnt meet the requirement

the perfection requirement

New Zealand wants only straight A's student

I have one B

Alhamdulillah, after that I can trace the reasons why Allah puts me in that situation

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah,

You're perfect, all your plans for us

very perfect ! Alhamdulillah, my husnuzon towards Him works :)

so, lets move on to India ;

this story starts when I was buying red velvet cupcakes at  Pink Carnella bakery shop

that Auntie the owner of that shop(she very friendly and excited to see me)

we are close since I'm her regular customer :D

okay, one day she approached to me happily she said that

"you know what my daughter got an offer from melaka manipal "

and i was congratulating her for that

and she asked me to try applying for Melaka-Manipal

because her husband is the Vice Manager of that institution, so she can help me

"Cable Besar punyaaa , hahaha"

but I told her, auntie I have a problem

MARA does not allow us to go to India , we are not bounded there

she replied me

"what about you give a try ? try to appeal to MARA to approve your application to India ?"

suddenly, I don't know why, I got a "hit" from her

that momentum of trying was really hit me

You don't have any Idea how ambitious I was for this

I was really determined to this

as i got home(in my college) ASAP-ly 

I do some research about this college

and fortunately, it really attracts me since It has two intakes which is on March and September

I really want that March intake since I don't want to waste my 10 months at home doing unproductive things 

If I choose republic Czech or Poland

because both have only September intake

FYI, I have ended my A-Level on Nov 2012

so, Im not going to rot in home to wait until Sept 2013

okay, then after that I try to contact with the operator, Cik Zuraini

she's very friendly and have a good communication skills

I adore her for her helpful trait

I explain her everything about MARA

and I also asked her for a favor to help me 

which is help me to appeal this to MARA

and she agreed to do that 

like what I said she's very helpful

and know what MARA is not easy to deal with, 

they have problem with their communication system

because MARA is not really accesible

You have to dial MARA's phone number like a billion time

but theres no answer

that is MARA problem

but miracle has happened, you know what

a day after I told this request to Kak zuriani

MARA directly called me saying that my appeal has already being aproved

MasyaAllah, I was jumping because too happy

maybe Zaiddien and Nasa can describe what happened to me that day

they were there when I got that call

Immediately I search for Acap and Jauzi

hahaha, to tell this, to share my happiness

okay, FYI again, I was doing this a day before Statistic A2 examination,

i really took a big risk that day

seriously, cause everyone was studying but I end up completing the letter to send to MARA, contacting this person and that person , and all the application thingy

you can ask my friends how determined I am for this

that was horrible, luckily I have friends who always have my back

thanks :')

So, lots of obstacles ive been through that I might share with my next entry

cause Im too exhausted right now

my fingers are all tired and so do my hand

I just got back from office

Assalamualaikum :) lets me finalize this entry with my favourite verse :

"Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not."

Al-Baqarah. 216 :)

Hidup.Matiku.Hanya.UntukMu

Ukhwahku terbina di KTT :)

Assalamualaikum,

 it has been like, 3 or 4 months since I do not updating my life here

yeah, my life is getting busier day by day 

but now, I'm having my holiday

it would be 3 or 9 months holidays depending on my placement for my MBBS (India or Czech)

I always been wondering, is there any Pertemuan without Perpisahan ?

takde kan. yes, that is the hardest part of my life right now.

I've been spending my 1.5 years with them and now it seems like....

I still can't face this, bertapa kuatnya ukhwah antara kami.. they are my acquaintance

Friends to be understandable or exact.

My Housemates, my volleyball-mates,my Usrahmates, my classmates and every mates that I had there.

During my years there, I've know the true meaning of ukhwah

because before this my perspective regarding to that matter is just :

"Yo iz ma freng, and me iz yo freng "

thats all

and now I realized what is the importance of having your brothers 

Sabda Rasulullah s.a.w yang bermaksud; 

"Tidak sempurna iman seseorang itu, sehingga dia mengasihi saudaranya, sebagaimana dia mengasihi dirinya sendiri." (Hadis riwayat Muslim). 

I was once full of egoistic and selfishness...

but there, Sahabat show me the way to the light of tolerance 

and lots more they taught me

If you want me to tell about what they have done to me,
Im not capable to do that
I have to many memories with them,
Alhamdulillah, still fresh in my mind and heart.

So, now I would like to just story telling with the memories that I left with em by the pictures :

the view from my apartment. I miss this already

Azan Time

:') 

hohoho

Muktamar Badar for juniors

Rijal2 

menganto Aidied Fly Poland

My 19th Birthday celebration. Terima kasih :') hosmet

Dirasuk syaitan..muahahaha

Jaulah bersama Usrahmates dan Juniors

sebelum menyelam sambil minum air 

Saya Sayang Mereka Kerana Allah Ta'ala

I-Medik 2012

Bersama Senior2 dr India dan Czech dan Ireland dan UK

Farewell Miss Fateha :'(

Kuala Gandah momment

Rusa.. 

First time main dgn Ular

sebenarnya ada banyak lagi gambar, tp tak laratlah nak upload semua

Some people said,

Pictures tell everything :)

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah, kau anugerahkan aku dgn sahabat2 yg bersama2 berusaha menuju Jannah mu

hati ana sentiasa sebak setiap kali membaca Rabitah lepas baca Mathsurat 

sebak sgt, teringat semua kenangan tarbiyah, satu benda yg berharga.

maksud doa Rabithah :

YA ALLAH,

Engkau mengetahui hati-hati ini,

Telah berkumpul kerana mengasihi-Mu,

Bertemu untuk mematuhi perintah-Mu,

Bersatu memikul beban dakwah-Mu,

Hati-hati ini telah mengikat janji setia untuk mendaulat dan menyokong syariat-Mu,

Maka eratkanlah Ya Allah akan ikatannya,

Maka eratkanlah Ya Allah akan ikatannya,

Maka eratkanlah Ya Allah akan ikatannya,

Kekalkanlah kemesraan antara hati-hati ini,

Akan jalan-Nya yang sebenar,

Penuhkanlah hati ini dengan cahaya Rabbani-Mu,

Yang tidak kunjung malap,

Lapangkanlah hati-hati ini dengan limpahan Iman dan keyakinan,

Dan keindahan tawakkal kepada-Mu,

Hidup suburkanlah hati-hati ini dengan ma'rifat (pengetahuan sebenar) tentang-Mu,

Jika Engkau mentakdirkan mati,

Maka matikanlah pemilik hati-hati ini,

Sebagai para syuhada dalam perjuangan agama-Mu,

Engkaulah sebaik-baik sandaran dan sebaik-baik penolong,

YA ALLAH, perkenankanlah permintaan ini

lat sekali nak tujukan lagu ni untuk semua sahabat ana :

ukhwah yang terbina persis sekuntum bunga
meski pun kini kita terpisah demi kasih-Nya
namun cebisan kenangan kita
sentiasa bermain di bayangan mata
detik waktu yg berlalu
menjadi memori kau dan aku

sewaktu kita bersama saling setia menimba ilmu
tanpa mengeal erti penat jemu
igatkah kau lagi
kita bersama memijak onak duri
ditanah gersang mengutip semangat suci
kini segalanya tersurat dalam sanubari

bersabarlah dengan ketetentuan-Nya
ada rahmat yg tersembunyi
bertemu berpisah kerana Allah
lumrah kehidupan insan beriman
moga saat nan indah
ku harap berulang lagi